The newlyweds A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I love my fiancée, very much, but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my future wife will be put off by them." "No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution. The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up her mom. "Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful." "Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning." "No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me." Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth. Not a word," her mother affirmed. Well, she thought it was certainly worth a try. The loving couple were finally married in a beautiful ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, woke his bride and without thinking, she immediately asks, "What on earth are you doing?" "Oh, no!" he gasped in shock, "You've swallowed my sock!"
A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied. Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie." Confused, the man went to his Rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the Rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. She replied suggesting that her daughter wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to her neck. But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your sexiest negligee, with a Vee neck right down to your navel." The man protested: "Rabbi, what does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?" "No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed.
A panda enters a restaurant and orders lunch. He eats the food, then drags a gun, shoots the waiter dead and leaves. The barkeeper runs after him. - Hey! You shot my waiter, and you haven't paid for your lunch! - Sure, I am a panda. - So what if you're a panda? - Well, go home, take a look in the Webster's, and read what it says about the panda.
The barkeeper runs home, opens the dictionary, and it reads: Panda. A mammal, resident in Chinese forests. Eats shoots and leaves.
Old Fred's hospital bed is surrounded by well-wishers, but it doesn't look good. Suddenly, he motions frantically to the pastor for something to write on. The pastor lovingly hands him a pen and a piece of paper, and Fred uses his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then dies. The pastor thinks it best not to look at the note right away, so he places it in his jacket pocket.. At Fred's funeral, as the pastor is finishing his eulogy, he realizes he's wearing the jacket he was wearing when Fred died. "Fred handed me a note just before he died," he says. "I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration in it for us all." Opening the note, he reads aloud, "Move! You're standing on my oxygen hose!"
There once was a religious young woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven." The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times." The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice." The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?" The Priest said "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face!"
Rednecks Are Good At That Sensitive Stuff
Three Rednecks were working on the BellSouth tower - Steve, Bruce and Jed. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Bruce says, "Someone should go and tell his wife."
Jed says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Bruce says, "Where did you get that, Jed?"
"Steve's wife gave it to me," Jed replies.
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"
Well, not exactly", Jed says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, 'You must be Steve's widow'."
She said, "No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are".
Man goes home late from the pub and finds his wife reading a book while lying in her bed. Goes to the kitchen and comes back with a glass of water in one hand and an aspirin in the other one. Wife looks up, puzzled: Why are you bringing me aspirin? I dont have a headache
Good answers the husband so, you want to fuck?
Baby polar bear is talking to his mum. 'Mummy am I a really a polar bear?' 'Yes, darling, you are.' But mummy, are you sure that I'm a polar bear?' 'Yes, baby, I'm sure' 'But mummy are you really really sure that I'm a polar bear?' 'Yes sweetie but why are you asking?' ' 'cos I'm f***ing cold!'
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, Is something wrong? To which she replied, There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, Youve got mail!
An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am."
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. As I watch TV, or even eat, I think about women. Everything seems to make me think about women."
The two sat sipping in silence. A short time later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
Know your state motto
Alabama : Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alaska : 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arizona : But It's A Dry Heat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
California : By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Colorado : If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Connecticut : Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It yet
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Delaware : We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Florida : Ask Us About Our Grandkids
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Georgia : We Put The "Fun" In Fundamen talist Extremism
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hawaii : Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idaho : More Than Just Potatoes...Well, Okay, We're
Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Illinois : Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indiana : 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iowa : We Do Amazing Things With Corn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kansas : First Of The Rectangle States
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kentucky : Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maryland : If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Massachusetts : Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michigan : First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Minnesota : 10,000 Lakes...And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mississippi : Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Missouri : Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Montana : Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Very Little Else
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nebraska : Ask About Our State Motto Contest
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nevada : Hookers and Poker!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Hampshire : Go Away And Leave Us Alone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Jersey : You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~
New Mexico : Lizards Make Excellent Pets
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New York : You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
North Carolina : Tobacco Is A Vegetable
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
North Dakota : We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohio : At Least We're Not Michigan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oklahoma : Like The Play, Only No Singing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oregon : Spotted Owl...It's What's For Dinner
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pennsylvania : Cook With Coal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
South Carolina : Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~
South Dakota : Closer Than North Dakota
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tennessee : The Educashun State
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Texas : Sß, Hablo Ingles
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Utah : Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vermont : Yep
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virginia : Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tech support to upgrade to Wife 1.0
Subject: latest in software; Tech Support
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed
that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a
lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed
itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system
activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting
and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system
whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to
run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please
help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)
______________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it
is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an
OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend
7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from
the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to
not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under
Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and
work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background
application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the
system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep
3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will
cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens,
the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase
additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With
Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and
will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?" The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" The little boy admitted that she did. "Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you."
You know you're living in 2004 when...
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is
that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You go home after a long day at work, you still answer the phone in
a business manner.
7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an
outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
anyone is home.
13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the
screen.
14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have
the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for
panic and you turn around to go and get it.
15. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your
coffee.
16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
message.
19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on
this list.
It was another Payday, and I was tired of being a Mr. Goodbar. So I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue, and I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetart, how'd you like to Krunch on my Big Hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"
Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and, Uno, it was like pure Almond Joy. I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds 'cause it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold back a Snicker and a Krackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream, "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!"
Soon she was fondling my Peter Paul and Zagnuts and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milkduds clear to Mars and gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked if I was into m&m, but I said, "Hey Chiclet, no kinky stuff." I then said, "Look you little Reece Piece, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you just take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit O' Honey?" (What a piece of Juicyfruit she was, too). She screamed, "Oh, Crackerjack, you're better than the Three Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup.
Well, I was givin' it too her Good 'n' Plenty, when all of a sudden...my Starburst.
Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow a bit Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped........a Baby Ruth.
A guy goes to the tattoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1, 000 to put a $100 bill on his willie. The artist agrees, but is curious and asks the man why he wants to do this. The man replies, 'I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now.'
So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis.
So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tattoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie.
So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: 'First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it.'
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman">A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:country-region><st1:place>Japan</st1:place></st1:country-region>, when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman">He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." <o:p></o:p>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman">They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore. <o:p></o:p>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman">The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. <o:p></o:p>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt"><FONT face="Times New Roman">"Look," she said, "I went along with the blowjob - but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen.<o:p></o:p>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 14.4pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto">A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:country-region><st1:place>Japan</st1:place></st1:country-region>, when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 14.4pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto">He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." <o:p></o:p>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 14.4pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto">They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore. <o:p></o:p>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 14.4pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto">The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. <o:p></o:p>
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 14.4pt; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto">"Look," she said, "I went along with the blowjob - but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen.<o:p></o:p>
A newly wed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, Honey, I'll be right back..."
"Where are you going, coochy cooh?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?"
She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc. The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was,
"Yes, lolly pop...but at the bar...you now...they
have frozen glasses..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying,
"You want a frozen glass, puppy face?"
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it. The husband, looking a bit pale, said,
"Yes, tootsies roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, poochi pooh?"
She opened the oven and took out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar... you know... there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, cutie pie?...
THEN LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR FUCKING BEER IN YOUR GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR MOTHER FUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU AREN'T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?"
Hey Fellaz!
I've just heard this one:
What happens if you play a country song backwards?
Your get your wife back, you get your dog back, and you get your pick-up truck repaired...
sorry..
the last dog was the pointée..
eh...öregszem... (valamiért nem másolódott ide ..grr....)
(szia Vissai sokat láttalak a legcikisebb topicban :))))
szóval a vége:
The Government Worker called to his dog and said, "Coffee Break, do
your stuff!" Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the
milk, dumped on the paper, sexually assaulted the other three dogs,
claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance for unsafe
working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home on
sick leave. Everyone agreed that was really typical.
