Feyd-Rautha Creative Commons License 2001.09.26 0 0 118
QPR and the Moonies.

It must be a difficult time to be a QPR fan. In the third division of the league (currently trading as Nationwide League Division Two) for the first season since “All You Need Is Love” was in the hit parade, and driven into administration at the end of last season by crippling financial problems. Then there was the alarming suggestion that one way out of the muddle was to merge with Wimbledon (possibly to form a new superclub called Quimbledon), and now it has emerged that one of the parties interested in buying a stake in the club is the US-based religious cult the Moonies.

For a while there was some confusion, as Rangers devotees hoped against hope that a bid had come in from Watford striker Tommy Mooney and his unexpectedly wealthy family, but no. It was indeed the apostles of the Reverend Sun Myung Moon who were sounding out the administrators in charge of getting the Hoops back on their feet.

It’s difficult at first sight to see what might attract the Moonies to QPR. But then both are known for making promising youngsters disappear - the Moonies to aggressively evangelical brainwashing centres in America, and QPR most recently to Portsmouth. And perhaps the Moonies’ interest could explain why Rangers’ home gates have dwindled so dramatically. Maybe the lost fans will one day return, smiling ecstatically and denouncing all Communists as the spawn of Satan.

Who knows, maybe the Moonies are merely dipping their clean-brained toes in the water of English football, and are ultimately planning to move in at the biggest club in the land, which they will rename Manchester Unificated. They will, however, face strong opposition from the Osmond-faced Mormons, who are rumoured to have a plan to use the Old Trafford club’s high profile to spread their message that men can have as many wives as they can handle, insisting that David Beckham marries the rest of the Spice Girls before the deal can go through.