no offense toffee, here's a few jokes for ye too (the biggest is the last one):
1. david moyes went to the everton xmas party dressed as a pumpkin. come midnight he still hadn't turned into a coach.
2. a man was sent to hell for his sins. as he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where an everton fan was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful young woman. "what a rip-off," the man muttered. "i have to roast for all eternity, and that mindless moron gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
3. police get called to anfield. when they arrive they see two men on the roof of the main stand. "what are you doing up there" shout the police. "we're everton fans sick of being in liverpool's shadow so we're gonna jump off". the police shout "but this is anfield, why don't you jump off goodison". the men shout "have you seen the fuckin queue?!"
4. did you here about the conservative mp who was found dead in an everton strip? the police had to dress him up in womans underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment!
5. did you hear about the evertonian who died outside the cinema?
he was waiting to see the film 'closed for winter'
6. the seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. snow white runs to the entrance and yells down to them. in the distance a voice shouts out "everton are good enough to win the european cup." snow white says "well at least dopey's alive!"
7. "i hope i'll die in my sleep like my grandad, not like the evertonian passengers in his car!"
8. what's the difference between everton and a teaspoon? a teaspoon stays in the cup longer.
9. wayne rooney, stevie gerrard and michael owen are out walking by a lake and stevie says to wayne and michael "let's go back to the hotel."
wayne says "it's on the other side of the lake and it's a 10 mile walk back around "
stevie replied "no, it's only half a mile if we walk across the lake."
michael says "yeah, it's easy watch this." and off he goes and walks across the water.
stevie says "yeah, it's really easy look at me." and he to walks off across the water.
both lads call to wayne and encourage him to follow them. so he takes a deep breath and starts to walk out on the water. pretty soon he is up to his neck and finally drowns.
stevie turns to michael and laughing he says "we should have told him about the stepping stones!"
michael replies "what stepping stones?"
10. a man walks into a video shop and asks for "everton - the glory years"
"that's Ł100" says the shopkeeper.
"eeh? why's that?" asks the man.
"Ł10 for the video and Ł90 for a betamax recorder".
11. news on the radio: "in a daring raid thieves cleared out everton football club's trophy cabinet last night. the public are advised to be on the lookout for a blue carpet and an ikea wardrobe with one door missing..."
12. a cup match was about to start at goodison, but it looked like rain so they decided to play the extra time first.
13. in the year 2015 a group of school children go on a field-trip into outer-space along with the school's benifactor wayne rooney. on the spacewalk wayne rooney takes off his spacehelmet as the other kids gaze in wonder. one of the other kids starts to take off his helmet when the teacher stops him. "no!" she says, "only wayne rooney can do that". when the kids asks why only wayne rooney can take off his helmet the teacher replies: "well wayne's a toffee so he's used to being in a place with no atmosphere".
+1 "everton football club"
|